For some people, the mere thought of doing anything outside of their comfort zone invokes strong or, perhaps, debilitating feelings of anxiety, fear, apprehension, and so on. Can you relate? If so, that is normal. After all, it is called a “comfort” zone for a reason. Right? Well, how about when what exists beyond your comfort zone involves someone different (really different) than yourself? Would your feelings change? Surprisingly, a valuable life lesson on this very topic came from a hummingbird!
A Hummingbird’s Eye-Opening Reminder
Sitting outside soaking up the beautiful, warm sunshine, a hummingbird unexpectedly darted to within inches of my face and hovered there for about five seconds. During our spontaneous encounter, this tiny creature and I locked eyes until it flew away for parts unknown. This brief moment illuminated the powerful impact of a person’s interactions with others.
Parallels of the “Big Three” Behaviors Discovered During a Unique Exchange
This unprovoked exchange with a hummingbird reminded me of just how curious people are about one another. Whether up close or from a distance, individuals like observing others, just like the hummingbird liked observing me. In some instances, they might even exchange pleasantries.
However, how often do people stick around long enough to delve deeper into what truly lies behind the pair of eyes gazing back at them? What about when those eyes belong to someone really different than themselves? Put another way, how often do others invest the time to genuinely see you, truly listen to you, and authentically know you beyond the superficial? How often do you exhibit these “Big Three” behaviors with the people you meet?
A Personal Story of What Lies Behind Someone’s Eyes
Hidden Struggles
Tasked with raising two children, one of whom was diagnosed with spina bifida at birth, my parents faced every health crisis and challenge that came their way with faith, fortitude, and love. During one particularly perilous time, my sister’s health had begun failing. True to form, my parents bravely stepped out in faith into unknown territory, as they had done countless times. However, this time felt different, and it was. God had already begun working in powerful ways, which would soon come to light.
Little Yet Big
Now, before the story continues, you should know one important thing about my sister. Although Becky only stood at a petite 4 feet 10.5 inches tall, she was a big person. What do I mean? Well, when people met Becky, they often struggled to look past her differences. As a result, people would pat her on the head and talk in a high-pitched voice as if talking to a child.
Even into her 30’s, Becky encountered minimizing behavior like this from fellow adults. No kidding! Sadly, I witnessed it myself on more than one occasion. Anyway, despite being the recipient of such hurtful, embarrassing behavior, Becky always rose above it all and forgave others, as a person of big character does.
With this new information about Becky, we are ready to resume the story…
Egocentricity Enters and Exits… Then the True Gift
At the point when Becky’s health began declining, people approached my parents and said things like, “Seeing how bad Becky has it makes me feel so much better about my own situation.” Perhaps these individuals thought they were showing support. However, were they?
When egocentricity (i.e., greater concern for oneself than others) resides at the heart of an individual’s comments, there no longer remains room for that person to genuinely see, truly listen to, and authentically know others. This is what happened to Becky. However, an ironic turn of events occurred. (Remember I mentioned God was hard at work?)
One of the people, who had uttered a well-intentioned but less-than-supportive comment about my sister (like the one shared in the previous section), found themself enduring a similar experience as Becky. In possession of new-found time and presented with a unique opportunity, this person got to know Becky on a deeper level. What do you think they discovered?
In this instance, the individual eventually grew to understand that when someone took the time to genuinely see her, they quickly realized Becky was definitely an adult. When this person truly listened to what Becky had to say, they discovered my younger sister was highly intelligent and mature beyond her years. Finally, after investing the time needed, this person authentically knew Becky on a deeper level. That was when they received the true gift. What was it? Gaining an awareness and appreciation for new perspectives on life, resiliency, forgiveness, faith, love, and grace.
How to Grow in the “Big Three” Behaviors
Although people cannot control what others do, they definitely have the power to choose what they, alone, will do. This said, is it possible for someone to grow in the “Big Three” behaviors? The answer is a resounding YES! Therefore, how can an individual learn to genuinely see, truly listen to, and authentically know others?
Study Jesus’s Example
First and foremost, Jesus remains the Greatest Role Model of All Time. As such, one should look to His guidance and see how He effectively related to those different than Himself. One powerful way to learn about Jesus on a deeper level is by studying God’s Word.
In Jesus’s own words, He says, “Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yolk upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:28-29, NIV) (bold and italics added for emphasis). Let us take a moment and unpack Jesus’s words.
When someone is gentle and humble, they lovingly put others first. This love can be demonstrated through genuinely seeing others and truly listening to them. In fact, Jesus encourages us to learn from one another by first learning from Him. Only when an individual humbly acknowledges they do not know everything can a willingness to learn emerge. Then, authentic listening and learning occur.
Follow Jesus’s New Command
At the Last Supper immediately after Judas departs to betray Jesus, the Lord issues a new command to His disciples. Can you guess what is so special about this command? Jesus’s message remains as relevant today as it did that fateful night! Jesus says, “Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another” (John 13:34, NIV) (bold and italics added for emphasis). Notice Jesus never says only love those like oneself. In fact, He loves others unconditionally. Therefore, since Jesus makes no distinction, neither should you!
Recognizing its significance, Apostle Paul reiterates Jesus’s new command, “For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself'” (Galatians 5:14, NIV) (bold and italics added for emphasis). Again, no distinction exists between who is and who is not your neighbor. Therefore, love everyone, including those who are different (or even really different) than yourself.
Help Others with Their Burdens
When you love someone, you only want what is best for them. As such, when you encounter someone weighed down by hardships in this life, remember they are your neighbor and love them unconditionally. How? Seek to serve them as the hands, feet, and voice of Christ in the world. Successfully carrying out this mission requires a willingness to genuinely see those suffering and truly listen to their struggles. The result? By authentically getting to know others on a deeper level, you glean crucial information needed to guide you in how best to help them.
Scripture supports the idea of helping others with their burdens. In fact, Apostle Paul addresses God’s children by saying, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2, NIV).
Now, think back to the personal story I shared earlier about my sister. The sentiment behind Paul’s words resonates in her story. Once someone humbled themselves and sought to genuinely see and listen to Becky, they gained a deeper insight into her situation and what types of supports they could provide. Essentially, when people follow the “Big Three” behaviors, the burdens of others are lessened.
Pray
Let us face it. Sometimes people can be at a loss as to what to do in a given situation. If you ever find yourself unsure of how to genuinely see, truly listen to, and authentically know someone, seek God’s guidance and discernment through prayer. According to Matthew 7:7 (NIV), “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”
Have you ever wondered if God always answer prayers? According to Mark 11:24 (NIV), “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” Furthermore, Matthew 21:22 (NIV) says, “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” Really? Yes!
Scripture reassures us, “For no word from God will ever fail” (Luke 1:37, NIV). Therefore, when He answers your prayers through the Holy Spirit’s nudging, boldly step out in faith and follow where He leads (related posts titled “Immeasurable Power Borne out of the Holy Spirit’s Nudging” and “When God Answers Your Prayers in Unexpected Ways”). He will never guide you astray.
Closing Thoughts and a Call to Action
Do you find doing things outside of your comfort zone is difficult? What about when the situation involves someone different (or really different) than yourself? No worries! As we have discussed, there are ways to strengthen how to genuinely see, truly listen to, and authentically know others. So, how will you begin today?
A Special Acknowledgement:
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